Remember. When God was real to you.
When His voice cut through the clutter. Remember back to the time before His word became “irrelevant,” “confusing,” and “questionable.”
Remember when no sacrifice was too great for Him, and how all costs paled in comparison to His love and glory.
Remember when you saw Him, not with your earthly eyes of course, but with the eyes of your heart. There He was. Standing in front of you. His gaze upon you and you felt instantly that you must hide, but you could not, for there was nowhere to go.
Remember the feeling from this moment - how terrible and wonderful that gaze was.
I implore you - remember!
Because I fear many of us have forgotten.
But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled;
My steps had nearly slipped.
Not all at once, but slowly, quietly, under the surface - He became less terrible, less wonderful, less loving, less near, less real.
For I was envious of the boastful,
When I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
And as He slipped away, the world and the things of the world became more attractive, started to make more sense, and perhaps they really weren’t all that bad afterall.
They are not in trouble as other men,
Nor are they plagued like other men.
And as we forgot, some of us became more like the world to the point that we could no longer be distinguished from it. Everything became common, nothing holy. Anything could be touched, nothing sacred. All methods could be employed however we saw fit, there was no longer such a thing as faithful obedience to the simple truths.
Their eyes bulge with abundance;
They have more than heart could wish.
We got to the point where we no longer depended on God for anything because, in our eyes, we lacked nothing. We had more than our fill and if there was anything found missing, we simply added it, made it happen, found a way. We didn’t need Him.
They speak loftily.
They set their mouth against the heavens,
And their tongue walks through the earth.
And as we grew to love these newfound ways, we became as those who boast. Not in our dependence on God, but in our achievements. Writing books, speaking, counseling, sharing stories - all bearing witness to the fact that we had done it ourselves.
Waters of a full cup are drained by them.
To our shame, some still wore the priestly garments while they boasted, giving an outward appearance of holiness, even as they’d started to offer strange fire on the altar. The show of religion mixed with the pleasures of sin. “We can have both!” And in saying this through words, demonstrations, and the revealing of the condition of the heart, they began to lead the young ones away.
And they say, “How does God know?
And is there knowledge in the Most High?”
When the knowledge of the Lord is no longer enough for us, when it no longer captivates us, or it begins to feel at odds with the practical realities of life, this is when we are tempted to turn away - to the ones whom the world has exalted as the great thinkers, the wise ones, enlightened and successful.
And for a moment their voices are soothing, they do make sense, and it does puzzle us as to why we shouldn’t heed their advice.
When I thought how to understand this,
It was too painful for me—
Until I went into the sanctuary of God;
Then I understood their end.
Ah, but there you are again in faithfulness for those who remember. Setting things right. Reminding us of the end from the beginning. Trying to make sense of this on our own leads to pain and confusion, until we go to the santctuary again. Until we get in Your presence. Until we see you again. Then, we begin to understand.
But still…is it all in vain? Whether we abstain or whether we indulge, does it make a difference?
Surely I have cleansed my heart in vain,
And washed my hands in innocence.
For all day long I have been plagued,
And chastened every morning.
Why should we purify? Why withhold our hand? Why set ourselves in a place of waiting before the Lord rather than partaking in the here and now? Why bring so much pain and ridicule upon ourselves? Why go through all of this instead of going after the way of fun, the path of comfort, and the god of self? If it’s all meaningless, why live the holy life?
For a moment we did stumble as we thought all was in vain, that there was nothing besides immediate gratification. “Who is the Most High that He should demand such purity from us? And where is He now?”
Thus my heart was grieved,
And I was vexed in my mind.
I was so foolish and ignorant;
I was like a beast before You.
Oh to have wanted to be like these people even for a moment, seeing now their end, seeing how fleeting and temporary are their pleasures. This was utter foolishness on our part, as if we had only the thoughts of the beasts of the field, men and women gone wild, following only our passions with no thought of higher things.
How it was possible for us to have such thoughts, I do not know. I am utterly grieved and completely at a loss for words other than to say - we were fools and we spoke without understanding. As we rend our hearts and turn from my ways, I pray, forgive us.
Nevertheless I am continually with You;
You hold me by my right hand.
You will guide me with Your counsel,
And afterward receive me to glory.
I implore all of us today - remember! Not so we may be consumed in despair by how far we have grown apart from Him, but so that we may return.
Remember - so that we may be continually with Him.
Remember - so that we may be held by His hand,
Remember - so that we may be guided by His counsel, the words of life,
Remember - so that we may, in the end, be received and welcomed into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
Remember, and live in light of this today. Truly then will our hearts cry out in delight and dependence, “There is none upon the earth that I desire besides You!”
My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Remember His strength, the strength that consumes all the strength of men in a single breath. Remember how this strength will never faint, nor grow weary, nor will those who abide in this strength - even as their own flesh and heart fail.
For indeed, those who are far from You shall perish;
But it is good for me to draw near to God;
Remember. When God was real to you. Remember again how good it is to draw near to Him.
In love,
Derek
The italicized text comes from Psalm 73, NKJV